The Gospel of Wrestling: According to Matthew

11.19.2005

MATTITUDE COMES TO INSIDE PULSE



So I am now moonlighting as a weekly columnist for Inside Pulse. I write three weekly columns about what else? Wrestling, of course! On Tuesdays for my Post RAW recap and analysis and two columns on Friday for the Weekend NWA Preview, Post Smackdown recap and A look at the week ahead! Be sure to check it out!

Bret THE HITMAN Hart on WWE Byte This! November 16! Here is my report of the show!

In Memory of Eddie Guerrero - My Immediate Thoughts on His Death

Matt Hardy and Ashley on WWE Byte This! November 9th

WWE Bottom Line Review - Triple H vs. Eugene! 9/11/2004

I'm working hard 6 days a week with Echostar, being Super-Sober(78 days and counting as of today!), enjoying the wrestling business and getting older everyday but continuing to enjoy life as much as possible! Check back here or at InsidePulse.com for all my Sportz Entertainment meanderings.

4.19.2005

Life is Like a Never-ending Movie! Twists, surprises and shocking RETURNS!

It's the middle of April, damn near March and because of a subpeona to testify against a drug dealer and a few other fucked up things I've decided to ditch the idyllic small town of Coeur d Alene, Idaho for greener pastures. Where the green pastures end up being I'm not even totally sure yet. Needless to say I am bored of the area anyway, but I'm already missing my few good friends that I may never see again. People like my soulmates Mysty and Angela, and dear friends like Les and Tina and my beloved Catholic priest Father Gould...I already wonder how they are all doing. My future, no matter what course it follows will end up in Stamford eventually, I'm just waiting for life to let that happen. Fate, actually.

I'm in a constant battle to kick all the bad habits in my life. I almost had this Addiction to the Pothead Princess kicked, but it got me all over again. And with her came the start of my battle to sleep, my addiction not to just pot but to Bing Crosby and that stuff can make me "proj" on a coloring book of Winnie the Pooh or a video game like Millionaire for hours.

Terri is pregnant, I found this out over a month ago and am very happy about considering all the bullshit. I really hurt the girl in the most odd way recently, and I pray that I can mend my relationship with her not only for us but for the baby that's on the way. I can't wait to be a Dad - I hope it helps me mature even more as I start my late 20's.

I've been coming to terms with my real self since December and embracing all that I can. I've met some of the most interesting and unique people over the last five years or so and I continue to sort of walk through life amazed and sometimes a bit scared. I take heed in the fact that no matter how bad life sometimes gets that on the flip side, as quick as the wind breezes by, life can change and be a wonderful thing. I embrace life now more than ever, now in my most lonely of time as my family continues to ignore me, now to me Life is just a big game for me to either take over and win or fuck up and lose.

I will continue to try and update this little fucker so that whoever does read it can be kept in the know. Next Stop - Lewiston I think, I need to touch base with my lover and listen to her belly.

2.10.2005

Sometimes Life Is Just a BIG Test...

After a wild weekend in the motel with Terri, I've pretty much got through one of the more stressful weeks at Qwest. We trained and crammed and racked our brains with so much tech information the last month and double timed for the past few days. Tensions rose on Wednesday after some misunderstandings that ultimately resulted in the quitting of a classmate. And today - just a little while ago I passed my final. Actually, the whole training class passed their final, which was nice. We're now receiving a catered Olive Garden meal paid for by the bigwigs at Center Partners and enjoyed by all. Tomorrow is our big graduation and then I will be taking live calls come Monday. It's been a whirlwind 6 weeks since I got released from NIBH and got this job two days later. I had reservations about whether or not I would be able to make it, but thank God, Buddha and EVERYTHING holy, I certainly have. Now the real test begins. How well will I do once I hit the floor next week and after? Only time will tell. Needless to say, a huge weight was lifted off the shoulders of everyone in the class - and soon we will replace that weight with as much lasagna and caesar salad that we can stuff in our bellies.

RAW is Japanese So RAW was live on tape from Japan this week and a few things happened of note. Triple H beat Edge and retained his World title with a show-ending confrontation between Hunter and Batista as we inch closer and closer to their major main event at Wrestlemania 21. I was also thrilled - I think that's the right word - to see William Regal and Japan's own Yoshihiro Tajiri win the tag straps from La Resistance. Smackdown has a big PPV coming up in a couple of weeks, which I will surely ramble on about at a later time. The main event for that show is JBL defending his WWE title against The Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage. I smell lots and lots of Blood! I bought the Backlash 2002 DVD this week and since it was the first time I'd seen the show I enjoyed it immensely. Main eventing was Triple H dropping the title Hogan and a big one between Stonecold and The UnderFaker. I can't wait to get paid next week and start my DVD collection back up again.

Life in the Mo! So I've been staying in the Boulevard Motel now for about a week, and I have to say that it's not half bad. Clean, quiet and the bed is actually pretty darn comfy - plus it's close to work. And work is all I have in my life right now, so being close to it seems like the smartest thing. I love my free time, my quiet sort of introspective time. I call it "vegging out" - but it can be so much more. My life gets so crazy and fast sometimes that I really love the chance to just kick back, relax and enjoy the solitude. I have a huge opportunity in having a motel right now, but I seem to be passing it up for the greater good.

The NEWS! So the Pope is still alive - but for how long? North Korea still - and always will - have the nukes! Will Condi Rice go head to head against Hillary in 2008? And Charles is finally getting hitched to Camilla - so much crap, so little time - so check out this site for the best news in the world today.

Life is a long lesson in humility. Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

2.03.2005

Homeless No More and Finally Graduating!

Livin' at the Blvd! So as of Friday I will be out of the men's shelter here in Coeur d' Alene and moved over to a $140 a week motel about two blocks from Center Partners. And not a moment too soon I think. Everything in my life - for the most part - is showing an upside and I'm definately enjoying a more positive outlook on things than I have had in the past. In fact, as with everything in life I'd say my recent experiences have been nothing less than a great learning experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. The time that I've had at the shelter has been good and I've had the chance to meet alot of interesting people - and guys I'll remember forever. They've all had tough lives, endured troubling times and are trying to or have accomplished the not very small feat of getting back on their feet again. I'm grateful that the shelter was there for me when I needed it most and if not for the manager, Mark and his assistant Steve things there probably wouldn't have gone so swimmingly for me. I look forward to going to the motel and moving on with my life and becoming a more self-sufficient member of society again. This weekend should be a lot of fun, especially with my phat paycheck coming tomorrow. I can't believe they pay me to learn this insane shit! What a life...on that note...

CP Graduation Our class is graduating a little early next week after we rush through Wireless and DSL training. It should be a fun little affair - apparently a catered Olive Garden meal is in the works with lots of cake and ice cream for dessert. Our final test will be open book, open notes, and open internet - but not open neighbor. So basically you'd have to be drunk, stoned and retarded not to pass the test. I'm looking forward to finally getting upstairs and dealing with the public again. As with everything in life I feel supremely rejunvenated in this aspect of my life too. It's a continual day to day thing and I will try my hardest not to get burned out. Over the last 5 plus weeks our little class has grown pretty close and there is definately a part of me that is dreading the seperation from each other next week. My lack of family as of late makes these people in my class my family sometimes and the same goes for the men at the shelter. Hopefully everything will be pretty seamless and go fairly un-noticed in this life transition. We have a lot of good agents in here and I think we'll all end up doing pretty well. All of the gratitude should go right to our trainer Tre - her real name is Christina Yegge and she's been very cool with us learning this stuff and I know we're all Glaad we scored her as our teacher. Awesome job, Tre! You'll own this company - or someone's someday - I guarantee it!

So it has ended up being a pretty slow week...but like I said slow and steady wins the race. And you literally never know what will happen next with me. The motel thing should be great for me and I'm hoping to keep busy with work and stuff. Lots to update after the weekend I bet...here's a neat quote to finish out the week...

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

~Bible~
I Corinthians 13:4-8

1.31.2005

Batista wins the Royal Rumble! A McMahon Injured...

Another pretty quiet weekend for me, which is the just thing I tend to need after my crazy week at work. And by crazy I actually mean, boring - just plain and utterly sleep inducing boredom. The WWE Royal Rumble was Sunday night and by all accounts from the old reliable IWC fanbase who actually saw the event, it seems as though the company pulled off another great PPV. Batista ended up winning the battle royal this year thus cementing his spot in the main event against Triple H at WM21 in March - it came down to Big Dave and Vanilla Ice and thanks to Vince McMahon re-starting the match my man Batista finally went over big time. Will he actually beat Hunter at Mania, only time will tell. I'm going with a hell yes! Indeed, Trips killed young Randy Orton who got a supposed concussion, here's to hoping they change
Orton's character into a Eugene like retard. Serves him right. WWE Champion JBL went over in the Triple Threat match, thanks mostly to interference from his Cabinet. My predictions also rang true for the most part in the other undercard matches. This is
definately a show that will get bought up by me when it comes out on DVD. Numerous sources place this as one of the best Rumbles in recent memory. The only real injury coming out of the show was apparently Vince blowing out his knee. Sucks for him.

My Quest to Understand Qwest Speaking of sucking, this training class for Qwest is starting to burn me out just a little - it makes me want to just freak out sometimes. It's shamelessly brainwashing me into a shell of my former self and the rest of my training class is turning heel right along with me. We're all burned out and now - as we head into Week 5 - we're all trying to put together even more intricate bullshit like Adjustments and Billing stuff that would boggle a Harvard boys mind. And then comes sales. Oy vey! And it's not so much about getting "burned out" - it's like we need more of a vacation from each other because like all families when were together as much as we have been there's bound to be some sort of resentment. I miss working at Coldwater Creek and helping nice little old ladies choose a red fleece pullover for Thanksgiving. No selling, and no bullshit - just being nice to little old ladies. Thems were the days. Some afternoons I literally just stare at my computer screen hoping time will pass by faster, but usually it doesn't. Am I getting the information down? Sure. Do I really want to retain it? Not really. It's all pretty funny actually, I mean at least I can recognize that I'm getting burned out on this shit and on some of the classmates - but a few people in the class are fucking stupid and can't get a handle on things. I personally just need to stay as focused as possible and remain digligent. And at the same time, I just need too get away...maybe go home at lunch or something today - cause I'm feeling really shitty. If I even began to explain all the stress in my little old life it would fucking shock all you people. It starts with work and continues into a myriad of other things that will most likely be the downfall of me. Legal stuff can kill a guy and it's all crap.

The Weekend So on top of the work shit I'm dealing with today - I had a Mysty encounter over the weekend. First, I had to deal with the Pothead Princess herself via phone and then I had the opportunity to chat with one of her fellow ex-boyfriends up in Sandpoint over lunch with my girlfriend, Terri. Jalapenos is a nice place, but lunch conversation can be made that much better when you enlighten your peeps to the fact that you've both banged the same girl(i.e. Ms. Westin), convo then tends to move towards how fucked up of a chick said chick is and from there we laugh and share a moment and eye contact of understanding. An understanding that we both miss her incredibly but there are always reasons - good ones - to be seperated. After visiting Sandpoint - which is quite the little town - and Schweitzer Ski Resort - and I don't ski! - I enjoyed an evening of pain after getting blue balled from Terri. It's all good though, cause I really dig making out with her - pain just isn't quite the feeling to end the day with. She's a good kisser though. I ended up going on a long walk with my buddy Elgi to get some soda to end the night and before I went to bed my pain had gone away - naturally - which is a good thing. I fucking hate blue balls. All in all Saturday was a bore and Sunday had alot of good points(if you know what I mean!). I had a nice day out of the shelter, but my the drama of life continues. I've been in the shelter nearly a month and that too is starting to get to be too much. The sooner I move back out on my own the better.

Eeyore Am I You know, I miss so many people from my past who I've lost touch with or who have died and it drains me emotionally far too often. I guess that's the case with everybody. Lost loves(Becca, Marnett, Mysty), lost friends(Arthur, Jeremy, Kailum), lost family(Grandma Ganser, Grandpa B and the Kurts). I miss so many people and am starting to unwind again in my heart because of it. Thankfully I think my Prozac is working as I'm doing a pretty good job of staying positive. It's only going to get harder I tell myself and then end up even more scared.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while, leave footprints in our hearts and we're never the same.


It's a long week ahead before payday comes Friday. Slow and steady wins the race they say, so we'll see if that mantra rings true. I'm going to take the week slow and be steady. And yet the drama will still be brought. Will I even have a car by weeks end? What's next??

1.28.2005

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same...

So this week went by fairly quickly in my opinion. Lots of stuff at work to get through as we race towards graduation and hitting the floor. Over the next two weeks I will be brainwashed on DSL and wireless phones among other things. I look forward to taking everything I've learned and meshing it together to form a cohesive customer service and sales generating machine. On the personal life front - which tends to take up an excessive amount of my time - I encountered both good and bad things throughout the course of the week. Angela and I have cooled down a bit until we both get some things worked out, my ex-wife showed back up in my life and that's not only cause for concern but opens some new doors of possibility for our futures and my ongoing relationship with a nice girl from Lewiston has finally gotten some legs and is moving in the right direction. I'm getting a new car next week and working towards moving out on my own by the middle of February, so lots of baby steps to finally be where I'm happy in life again.

The All-Important Digits: So I finally got my Nokia from Tre(thanks again!) connected last weekend and I've been blowing up the phone since then. My number is 208-704-1328 - so if anyone wants to call me then JUST DO IT! I also like to get text messages because they annoy my roomates.

Royal Rumble Predictions: So WWE presents the 2005 Royal Rumble this Sunday and even though I don't have a chance in hell of catching the show, I'm still - thanks to the massive marketing campaign - pretty jacked for the event. The Rumble itself should be good as always and I'm figuring that they will have a surprise winner in Eddie Guerrero or Rey Mysterio - although I wouldn't put it past them to finally put Batista over big. Triple H defends his title against Randy Orton, and you'd have to be retarded not to think Hunter will retain until WM21. Bradshaw will also defend his WWE title against Kurt Angle and The Big Show in a 3 Way Match - I expect JBL to also retain cause he's fucking cool and that's what I want to see. I'm tired of Angle and the Giant, I say let JBL hold the strap until this retched world finally ends. Shawn Michaels and Edge are also going to come to blows this Sunday - which is funny cause I heard Edge was really good at sucking. The Undertaker should also end up dismatiling Heidenreich at the Rumble, and those two are expected to shift right into WM mode immediately following the match.

Academy Award Fever...Take Your Tylenol! So I'm not all that excited yet about the Oscars. Michael Moore got shut out entirely which is of course a CONSPIRACY BY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION! I've only seen a few of the nominated movies this season, so I'm in no shape to criticize the Academy's decisions yet - but hopefully over the next month or so I will get the chance to see the Eastwood and DiCaprio flicks. I am very much looking forward to Chris Rock hosting the show for the first time - he's a funny motherfucker who will no doubt cement his place in hosting history alongside Billy, Whoopi, Letterman and the late Johnny Carson. Speaking of Johnny, it's been a sad week for all of us fans of his but luckily I watched a couple of really nice shows that celebrated his life. He went quietly into heaven on Sunday and will never be forgotten. Chris Rock on the other hand will die kicking and screaming out the F word to all that will listen.

Here's a few HILARIOUS Chris Rock Quotes:


Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.


And because I'm a mark for great use of the English language - here's some Johnny Carson and George Carlin Quotes all mixed up for your reading pleasure - Enjoy and have a great weekend. Super Bowl Sunday is rapidly approaching so the opportunity to see Janet Jackson's right breast shall not be missed!

Four days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron. - George Carlin

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. - George Carlin

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. - Johnny Carson

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ... - George Carlin

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. - Johnny Carson

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?" - Johnny Carson

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin

1.23.2005

Johnny Carson Dead at 79

One of late night TV's true kings of comedy passed away within the last few hours. It saddens me greatly and will talk more indepth tomorrow when I have more of a chance to ponder and understand his passing. Carson was a real icon for our time and will be sadly missed by everyone who ever watched his legendary performances on The Tonight Show.

1.20.2005

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

So as the so-called artic blast came and went here in C-Town, it's totally warmed up to about 50 degrees the last few days and of course I've ended up with quite the little head cold. Hey Big Shock! Homeless guy who goes outside ALL THE TIME to smoke his death sticks gets a stuffy nose. I should've readied myself with Vitamin C, by unfortunately all her CD's were destroyed. Yesterday - aka Hump Day - was pretty much the status quo, but at the same time it was the shits. After muddling through a mindless day at work, I headed back to "home" and enjoyed quite the enjoyable spaghetti dinner before heading over to the girlfriends house. She's trippin' on any number of things now and on top of that she had two hickeys on her neck that weren't from me, which is never a good thing. Our discussion heads back around to us "both being young" and "not getting hearts broken" - now mine was snapped into numerous pieces twice last year, so it's going to be hard to get me again as I've shielded myself up like a Knight in King Arthurs court. But nonetheless, I reassured Angela that even with the hickeys ominously staring me down at the nape of her neck all was good in relationship land as long as we could be together. Sometimes that little voice in my head screams at me so loud - You Dumb Fuck!, but I listen not. She really is an awesome, interesting person who makes me very happy when I'm with her and thanks to my many years of humbling experiences and ability to understand other people I think I can keep enjoying my time with her even if she drives me up the wall every now and again with her psychobabble and insane need to be loved by other dudes while I'm at work making something of my life while I still can. God Bless the girl, sometimes I think she's trying to drive me away, but I'm like a motherfucking ache in your knee that just won't quite give up. It's the Cancer in me I tell ya! Incidentally, I HIGHLY recommend this Horoscope site for all your celestial needs.

The Inauguaration of Dubya is today and I will try my hardest not to care. Isn't SMACKDOWN on tonight - that's right I'm more down for that fake shit than the fake shit in Washington. I mean do you really think I care that my boy John Kerry is pissed at Condi Rice? HELL NO! But then again I must ask myself why exactly I should care if Kurt Angle wins the WWE title from JBL, cause I really don't. So maybe I should just take my sickly ass right to bed this afternoon and bypass the whole evening. Ya, that's the ticket!

So after I hoofed it home from Planet Girlfriend I ended up in an even wackier world as right before I went to bed this chick from across the street named Mundy comes over crying and weeping on my shoulder about her horrible evening - damn, I can't get away from the DRAMA if I tried. So apparently a couple of fucked up drunk guys pretty much took advantage of her and really I don't know what happened and again I don't really care. I just hope she's alright and I hope I can get through today without having to hear a helluva lot about it. Women are all crazy and fucked up and I'm glad God made me a Dude, cause it must suck to be a girl most of the time.

Scored a cell phone today, which I will promptly have connected tomorrow via Cricket once I get that much needed paycheck. Pretty jazzed about the phone and will most likely post my number up here next week so all you ducks who read this - all ten of you - can call me whenever the feeling comes over you to brighten my day.

I hate being sick - I absolutely DESPISE it more than anything. I just want to be asleep until tomorrow, but that's almost impossible considering I can barely even get enough ALONE time to get my ZZZ's nowadays. The weekend promises to be chalk full of fun, which I will try to figure out come Monday. This has surely been another weird, sobering week and I look forward to just vegging out in front of the Cartoon network or some old Star Trek movie for the duration.